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Showing posts with the label pride

Humility: Accepting Reality

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A man trying to organize a men's choir said I had a fine voice. Given a choice, he asked, wouldn't someone prefer a beautiful voice to a powerful mind or athletic body? I agreed, but was a bit embarrassed: since I've got two out of the three. My wife's opined that if bad hips hadn't kept me from excelling at sports: I'd be insufferable. She's probably right. Self-Esteem Run Amok Since pride is a sin, is it wrong to be proud of my voice? Yes — and no. It depends on what sort of "pride" is involved. When "pride" is self-esteem run amok, it's one of the seven capital sins: along with avarice, envy, wrath, lust, gluttony, and sloth or acedia. (Catechism of the Catholic Church, 1866 ) Ancient Greeks called it hubris . It's a bad idea in stories, from " Oedipus Rex ," to Milton's " Paradise Lost " and Paul Ryder's " Cosmic Monsters ." Most of us don't get the sort of reality check

Surrendering Control To God

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The  pivotal point in my personal and spiritual growth was realizing that, in fear, I  clung to control. I have let go of this control at least a thousand times already. A thousand times of choosing to surrender fear and lies and trusting. Each time I peel back a layer, another deeper level of fear pops up. Surrender is not a popular word in our modern culture. In fact surrendering my outer life seems like such a big deal that I resist. I cling to control almost like an idiot who thinks that she is clinging to a cliff with her finger nails, afraid to let go lest she fall to her death. Of course this is an irrational fear, rooted in my subconscious. Actually there is no cliff with a rock bottom. When I finally let go, it is a short drop into the loving arms of God. My fear of letting go is especially ridiculous in the light of God’s unconditional love, mercy and patience which He has proved to me many times, thousands of times. Galatians 2:20 " I have been crucified w

The False Martyr Complex

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I have a real life incident seared into my memory that has become a symbol for a common type of piety that I call a  false martyr complex. A dear friend stood in a communion line, head bowed, shoulders slumped, one  arm across her chest with her hand clenched as she struck her heart. At first appearances she was a picture of perfect piety, a soul in torment, burdened by her sin, suffering in reparation.  Yet, she had stood like this for years if not decades with little change.  As I stood in the opposite line, I did something spontaneous and rather shocking; I bent my knees, leaned over, caught her eye, smiled and waved! My child like behaviour actually worked momentarily. She straightened up, smiled, with twinkling eyes and snapped out of her false, martyr complex for a few minutes at least, nearly laughing out loud in church. My friend was not as holy as she appeared to be, even though she lived a devout, disciplined, ascetic lifestyle. Her life was a daily round of mass, ros

Self-Important Humility

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When many Christians think of  humility and sanctity, they often think of ascetic fasting and the heroic acts of the saints but these sorts of practices often focus more on self than on God. It is actually a subtle sort of self-delusion that is difficult to discern but God is finally getting through to me, helping me shake of self-defeating,  pious actions that actually drive me further from God. I cannot earn His love or Presence. He must do everything in me. This is true  humility. Pride  entices me to work harder, pray more, fast religiously and perform heroic looking acts of virtue.   Humility  accepts that only God can save me and other people WHY? We must come to the realization that we need a Saviour. It usually takes, even Contemplative Monks decades to finally let go of the last of their pride and to humbly surrender control. Pride makes us try to earn our salvation with good works. “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—an

Give Up: Become a Saint

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  All Saints Day celebrates the lives of all Christians  who have died in a state of grace. This was the first All Saints Day that I could commemorate my newly discovered patron Saint Melania!!! However, holiness is for every baptized person, regardless of personality type, career, age, race, or marital status. Leon Bloy, a French Catholic writer, once said  “the only tragedy in life is not to become a saint.”  Holiness is about realizing our deepest, greatest potential, becoming who we were truly destined to be. The problem is most of us go about becoming saints all the wrong way! We try too hard using our natural energy, concentrating on our own piety, discipline and not on the saving power of Jesus Christ. In fact the best way to become holy is to quit trying so hard.  I discovered that I just got in God's way.  WHEN I ADMIT DEFEAT, GOD HAS A CHANCE TO SAVE ME FROM MYSELF Surrender, giving up control however is the hardest thing for humans to

I Don't Know How To Stop

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I feel whiny today. Yesterday, I cried. Why, oh why, do I have to slow down? I hate it. I want to stay busy. Everyone who cares about me annoys me by trying to get me to stop. I want them to go away, since I'm too busy for them anyway. My therapist said I need more breaks in my day to take care of myself. My spiritual director said I need to keep doing Eucharistic Adoration for the next three months and then we'll re-evaluate whether I need to continue. I don't have to obey what he says, but I'm not seeking direction because I'm a genius at how to grow spiritually. My talents lie more in the realm of driving myself to the edge of psychosis and back. So, I agreed and I do what I agree to do. I realize that what I want isn't always what I need. I don't want to slow down. It's almost as if I feel the world will come to an end if I do. I used to play computer games non-stop at night, five and six hours at a time, to de-stress. But, tha