It was just last year that I discovered the tradtion of asking for a word to focus on for the New Year. Well, when I asked for a word for this year with a fuzzy, mush brain on Jan.1, the word that popped into my head was quite unexpected, a surprise really because it is not a word that I would usually focus on. What popped into my head seemed boring and mundane at first..steadfast. Then, unexpectedly, I started to smile because I realized that when I remain constant and steady, all sorts of wonderful things happen deep within me, seemingly without my participation, if I just stay focused and constant, steady. My intuition, creativity, bubbles up when I remain still in one spot and give those gifts a chance to form and rise up.
Now for some people , this might seem to be a boring, stodgy sort of word but for some reason I started to smile as bubbles of joy started to pop up and float through my whole system. In fact I a grinning quite foolishly right at this moment. umm why?.. It occurs to me that is I simply remain steady, grounded, looking at Him, He will do the rest of the real work in me. All I am called to do is keep my eyes fixed on God, steadily. unwaveringly and He will do the healing and transforming.
I actually heard the voice of God and I have a word to direct me for this year. I did not have to fast or pray for hours. No, I just turned to my Dad in heaven and He provided the answer immediately because when I ask for bread, he does not give me a stone.
An image which described my struggle to surrender control to God, was a wagon wheel suspended over a deep chasm.
My large family of 10 stood on the rim of a wagon wheel,while I crouched on the hub,frantically turning this way and that,grabbing all the broken spokes,desperate to hold the crumbling structured together.
I realized that I had to let go of this futile sense of responsibility and control but I was afraid to stop,afraid that one moment of inattention would cause my entire family to tumble down into the abyss.
I was trapped. Yet, I realized that my tension prevented natural, organic growth and healing.My control acted like a wall, shutting out all divine intervention and grace.My sincere concern and earnest self-sacrifice actually magnified everyone’s brokenness by freezing everyone and everything.
Suddenly an arrow of light pierced through my confusion.It was as if a sharp pin burst a huge, black balloon of deception.Suddenly the image was gone,like a mountain done in by a muster seed.
I had been wrestling with an illusion,a phantom mountain.There was no dilemma.I laughed at myself.
With joy,I finally surrendered control.The broken spokes were instantly repaired.The kids and my husband started smiling. I was free. We were free.